


Scared of Lonely

by LittleSparrow69



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Emotions, Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Make Up, Misunderstandings, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 06:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14013849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSparrow69/pseuds/LittleSparrow69
Summary: “It’s over, Alexander,” Magnus said, pain making him harsh, almost cruel, in an attempt to get rid of the angel so he could lick his wounds in private.  “Please do us both a favor and do not call on me again.  The High Warlock of Brooklyn is no longer at your beck and call.”





	Scared of Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Beyoncé's [Scared of Lonely.](https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=yfp-t-s&p=scared+of+lonely+lyrics#id=4&vid=109b8ce7da44646b1997085cd1b594f5&action=view)
> 
> AU of Alec's visit to Magnus in S2E20 Beside Still Water

Magnus knew who was on the other side of the door long before he heard the knock. His wards had alerted him to Alec’s presence as soon as the young man entered the building. He thought about not answering, but as disappointed and betrayed as he felt, Magnus couldn’t help but long for the Nephilim’s presence. He resented it in this case because he’d obviously been a lot more invested than Alec had ever been, but it didn’t change the fact that his heart fluttered in anticipation at the mere proximity of this particular angel. 

A mask of indifference settled over his features, a self-defense mechanism that was as automatic as breathing after centuries of betrayals in one form or another. Former lovers, friends…family. Admittedly, those hurt the worst, but there had been others as well. Over the years Magnus had become quite adept at cutting himself off from his feelings, protecting his heart at all costs. 

He opened the door and managed a fair amount of manufactured ambivalence for Alec’s benefit and proceeded to shut the door in the angel’s face. 

“Magnus,” Alec called out, temporarily halting the closing of the door. Magnus noticed the Nephilim was also attempting to distance himself from their current interaction. 

The annoyance in the warlock’s voice was not the least bit feigned. 

“What do you want, Shadowhunter?” 

Ah, there. A flash of hurt, just as quickly hidden. His young angel did not have the benefit of centuries to perfect the same impenetrable defense that Magnus had at his disposal. The small sense of satisfaction he felt at Alec’s pain clashed immediately with a sense of guilt and a warring desire to protect rather than target. Magnus resolutely ignored it. He was the wronged party here after all. 

“There’s something you need to know about the queen…” Alec started. 

“What?” Magnus interrupted. “That she made a deal with Valentine? I already know.” 

This wasn’t a good idea. Magnus had no idea what he’d been thinking. He moved to close the door yet again. 

“Wait,” Alec’s hand prevented the closure and in a decidedly bold move he pushed past Magnus into the loft. “We need to talk.” 

While he was surprised by the aggressive move, Magnus let nothing show in his features. 

The same could not be said for Alec. While the rather attractive poker face was still in play, his dark eyes were a mixture of emotions that Magnus refused to analyze. 

“No, we don’t,” Magnus replied. 

Alec searched Magnus’ expression for a long moment, looking for something that he apparently did not find if the way they suddenly dimmed was any indication. 

“So what? That’s it?” Alec asked. “I mess up once and we’re done?” 

Magnus remained cold and silent. 

“I made a mistake!” Alec admitted, a hint of desperation breaking through. “I’m sorry!” 

“So you said,” Magnus turned away from the angel. “Unfortunately, it changes nothing. I can’t trust you.” 

Silence followed that proclamation, the weight of the Nephilim’s gaze weighing heavily on the warlock. 

“I wanted to tell you about the soul sword. My first instinct was to tell you,” Alec explained quietly. “I…I was conflicted. I made the wrong decision” 

Magnus snorted quietly, still looking away. 

“Given enough time, I would have come to you,” Alec admitted. 

“I guess we’ll never know,” Magnus countered. “You made your decision. You chose duty over love. I guess it was foolish of me to expect anything more.” 

“No, Magnus, you’re not listening to me,” Alec continued. “Please…” 

“I’ve heard enough,” Magnus rounded on Alec, indifference turning to anger, the sincerity in Alec’s voice making him question his decision to cut ties with the Nephilim completely. “It’s time for you to leave. Now. “ 

He would not be made a fool. He’d made his decision. Actions that the Clave would not forgive were already in play. He couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

“No!” Alec said adamantly, losing some of the calm that he’d valiantly maintained thus far. “You can’t do this! You can’t come barging into my life with your…your glitter and nail polish and make me want you, make me love you….and then take it all away because of one mistake.” 

A pause, shimmering with vulnerability. Words spoken with utmost simplicity.

“I love you, Magnus.” 

“Stop,” Magnus couldn’t take it anymore and turned away. “Just stop. 

Outwardly his cool countenance held, but inwardly he was beginning to crumble. His track record with second chances was dismal at best. His head told him to end it now. His heart all but broke at the thought. 

“It’s over, Alexander,” Magnus said, pain making him harsh, almost cruel, in an attempt to get rid of the angel so he could lick his wounds in private. “Please do us both a favor and do not call on me again. The High Warlock of Brooklyn is no longer at your beck and call.” 

Silence met his request. 

On a roll, Magnus barely noticed, caught in a wave of misery that he was quite sure he wouldn’t survive, part of him wishing he’d never met Alexander Lightwood. 

“If I’m lucky, a hundred years from now…I won’t even remember your name.” _Maybe by then it won’t hurt so much._

Seconds ticked by without a response. Irritated, Magnus turned to Alec to once again to order him to leave but the words never quite made it. While he had managed to hold tight to his anger and indignation in the face of Alec’s perceived betrayal…Alec had not fared nearly as well. Magnus was brought up short by the open devastation on the young Nephilim’s face, as if every word out of his mouth had left a physical mark. 

Eyes shining with unshed tears, Alec faced him with quiet courage, determined to have his say. 

“This was my biggest fear, you know,” he started, hand lifting between them before falling to his side again. “That I wouldn’t measure up. That I’d be a disappointment. I mean after 17,000 lovers what could I possibly have to offer?” 

It wasn’t said with malice, just a statement of fact and a small self-deprecating laugh that pierced the warlock’s defenses as sure as any arrow. Magnus was abruptly reminded that in terms of relationships Alec was still very much a babe in the woods. 

“I just…I want you to know that I don’t regret anything,” Alec’s honesty was as raw as it was genuine. “I’m thankful for the time we had. You…you were my first…” 

Images of their first meeting, first touch, and first kiss…the first time they made love flooded Magnus’ mind as Alec faltered. 

The angel cleared his throat delicately and left it at, “You were my first. I’m quite sure I’ll never forget you. ” Alec blinked rapidly and turned away, but not quick enough for Magnus to miss the single tear that slipped free. “I’m sorry.” 

The dread that filled Magnus as Alec walked away was almost comical considering every word out of his mouth had been working towards that very goal since he’d opened the door. Each step broke his heart a little bit more. Had Alec responded to him in kind, with words designed to hurt and damage, it would have been easier to let him go. In the end it was the defeated slope of his angel’s shoulders that moved him to action, suddenly unable to bear the very real thought of Alec walking out of his life forever. 

In his haste, Magnus was perhaps more forceful than he’d intended, crashing into Alec’s back and wrapping his arms around him in an attempt to halt his progress. Caught off guard, Alec froze. Magnus could feel the instinctive fight or flight response at war beneath the surface of coiled muscles. 

“Don’t leave,” Magnus pleaded softly against the vulnerable nape of the shadowhunter’s neck. “Please don’t leave. 

Alec’s breath hitched in the quiet room, tension slowly bleeding from his tense frame as he ever so slowly relaxed into Magnus’ hold, breathing a little too fast, a little too uneven. 

Magnus dropped his forehead to Alec’s shoulder in anguish, holding him tightly. How long had it been since anyone had shed a tear for him? Since someone had truly cared for him so deeply. 

“Forgive me,” Magnus had barely gotten it out of his mouth when Alec spun in his arms. 

“No,” Alec said with fierce determination. “None of this is your fault. If I hadn’t…” 

“Shhhhhhh,” Magnus hushed the Nephilim with a finger to his lips, intending to say more but was rendered silent by the shine of tears on the angel’s pale, flawless complexion. Magnus softened further at the bright and anxious gaze, allowing himself to take in the extent of the damage they’d caused each other. 

Alec flushed at the regard, only now realizing how truly exposed he was. Long, wet lashes swept low, beautiful as they fluttered and then slowly lifted to meet the warlock’s gaze, refusing to hide. 

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Magnus whispered as he thumbed away the moisture and cupped the Nephilim’s cheek, a lump forming in his throat as Alec turned into his palm with an innocence born of forgiveness. “I was so busy protecting myself that I carelessly hurt you in the process.” 

“My fault,” Alec said, shaking his head before Magnus could finish. “I’m so sorry, Magnus.” 

The warlock shook his head minutely, knowing it would take more than words to convince the young man that they both shared blame here. 

“As am I, darling,” Magnus conceded with a small watery smile. “As am I.” 

They shared an embrace that was full of unspoken relief for both of them before reluctantly parting, if only enough to meet each other’s gaze. 

“Can I kiss you?” Alec asked tentatively…as if there was potential for rejection. That just wouldn’t stand. 

Magnus wrapped his hand around the back of Alec’s neck and pulled him in close. 

“You need never ask, Alexander.” 

The kiss was a warm melding of lips, gentled by the salty taste of tears, careful and reverent in a way they hadn’t been with each other since the beginning. When it broke, they stayed close, foreheads pressed together, arms wrapped around each other. 

“Can you stay?” Magnus asked, hoping there was no pressing Shadowhunter business Alec needed to attend to. 

When Alec nodded, Magnus took his hand and led him to the bedroom. They didn’t speak as Alec toed off his shoes and shed his jacket. Magnus waited patiently as the angel set his phone on the bedside table, along with a few hidden blades. Climbing in together, Magnus ended up on his back with Alec’s head tucked beneath his chin, arm wrapped around him and their legs tangled. 

The silence was fragile at best with so much more to say but both angel and warlock were content to merely hold one another for the moment. Reality would intrude all too soon, though it felt as if the most important matter had been settled. They fell asleep in each other’s arms for hours, resting comfortably for the first time in days. 

It was deep into the night when they woke, their quiet bubble of intimacy as yet unbroken by the call of duty. They made love slowly. Magnus used his magic to light several candles scattered around the room so they could look deep into each other’s eyes and breathe the same air as he took his beautiful Nephilim with gentle rhythmic thrusts. Alec cradled him between relaxed and open thighs, hips lifting to meet the warlock, small helpless mewls escaping at each crest of movement and tenderly swallowed by Magnus. He marveled at the gift he’d been given, remembering how guarded Alec had been when they’d first met. They boy beneath him now was anything but, so openly vulnerable that Magnus knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would do anything, give anything, to protect him. 

They curled into each other and slept once more when finished, not even bothering to clean themselves up magically or otherwise. In the morning they showered together, washing away the dry, flakey remnants of their reconciliation. Magnus cooked them breakfast, Alec’s arms wrapped around him from behind, chin over his shoulder as he watched. They’d barely finished eating, Alec sipping his coffee, Magnus his tea when Alec’s phone rang. 

“Izzy?” 

“Alec! Ariel sensors just went off over the city,” Isabelle reported, all business. 

Alec’s eyes flew to Magnus and he received a slight nod in return. 

“Send me the coordinates,” Alec ordered. “We’ll meet you there.” 

 

The End. We all know what happens next :)

**Author's Note:**

> I really wish the show could have delved a little deeper into these two making up, but alas, that is what fanfiction is for. Thank you! Please let me know if you enjoyed!


End file.
